It’s a mystery in the fact that I can’t see God. I can’t feel God. Can’t touch, taste, or hear God – that is, audibly.
And yet, I know God.
I can walk around the park, drive across the country, and fly to different nations with no hand to hold, the passenger seat empty, and a flying machine full of strangers and yet, I have the peace to rest and confidence to laugh as hard as I want to – the things you only do with your best friend.
Onlookers might think, she’s just an extroverted lady who couldn’t care less what people think. But I know my story.
I didn’t always have the confidence – the kind you only have with your best friend.
I remember being 10 and all the confident kids got picked on to read the roles for the summer camp theatre auditions while I went home sad they never gave me a chance and later to receive the role that was extra lines written in.
I remember being 12 and terrified to read my contrast and comparison essay aloud. I didn’t want anyone in my class to hear I’d rather use Instant Messenger because of my fear of talking on the phone.
I remember being 14 and opening the door halfway through class on my first day of public school, thanks to assembly schedule. …And crying, “I’m not going back!!!” because …what would they think of the weird new girl who did everything wrong?
I remember being 16 and still daily dreading walking onto campus half-way through the school day for band. What if someone thought I had been skipping class?!
I remember being 20 and avoiding all opportunities to speak at churches – whether it was kids, youth or adults. My thoughts were too complex or too simple, and I was too afraid to stumble over my ideas and accidentally teach a lie.
I remember being 21 and caught up with nerves while giving my try at playing piano chords in worship or learning to dance. I was just a distraction.
I remember being 22 and buying a guitar…what if God could use me to lead worship and there’s no piano? And being 22, calling 70 people in a week to follow up about financially supporting me in missions.
I remember being 23 and singing and playing my heart out on the streets of Chiang Mai, not minding if I was thought of as the crazy girl who only knows a few chords but doesn’t care.
I remember being 24 and discovering I understood the messages of the Bible much better if I acted them out as a monologue. And being 24, excited for every opportunity to speak the simple and profound messages of Truth.
And I remember today, at 25, refusing all lies. I remember giving my gifts freely without shame: speaking, acting, communicating, listening to the Holy Spirit, leading worship with still only a few guitar chords, and yes, sharing what I write ...all in one day!
Because although I can’t see, can’t feel, can’t touch, taste or hear God – that is, audibly…
And with him by my side as my best friend, I have this peace to rest and confidence to laugh as hard as I want. He’s holding my hand, sitting in the passenger seat, and as I get on the flying machine, he’s always showing me so clearly, he is with me…and he loves knowing me.
It’s truly amazing. Friendship with God.